I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
