We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
