I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
