im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
