I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
