so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
