life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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