fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
