He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize