Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
