Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
