wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
