apparently the secret to your success is patron
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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