Your dad touched me again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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