Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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