she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
