Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
