He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
