I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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