i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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