It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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