Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
