your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize