you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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