it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
