I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
