he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
