Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
