His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
