before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
