This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
