I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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