would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So much rum. So many feels.
Randomize
