remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You need a sexual gate keeper
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
is it fun? or sober?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
