Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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