Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
