oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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