pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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