Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
