No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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