He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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