OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
