so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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