I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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