i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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