So drunk its hurt
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
