he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
