I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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