Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
