Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
