if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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