There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
