Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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