I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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