i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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