i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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