I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
