new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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