I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize