im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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