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i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
