if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
