If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
