Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
