I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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