omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize