some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
