Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
