he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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