I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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