Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
